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Letting Go By Not Engaging

October 15, 2011

This afternoon, as my wife and I were leaving a local landfill, another email appeared from my birthmother. The email contained the same issues, in a condensed version. How “she sees things in reality, in her opinion and I see things through a victim’s eyes.”
Immediately my ego jumped into the situation, trying to analyze how my birthmother could see things so differently from how I expressed things to her. The old saying goes “Denial is not just a river in Egypt.”
After fuming about this latest barb of “crap”, I began to process my feelings by talking and writing with someone. I was asked to reverse the situation and was asked what advice I would offer to someone who was in the same position as I was in. This is what I wrote:
This is a sick and unhealthy dynamic with this person. I know it hurts but it is pointless trying to change someone else’s mind.

The reality is, you would be much better off without this person in your life. Focus on the people who actually care about you and respect you and your word.

Let go of the relationship for your own well being. You don’t NEED this person bringing you down anymore.
In 1993, my sister gave me a small gem of a book entitled “The Secrets of Life” by Stuart Wilde. The book consists of Mr. Wilde’s short perspectives on various topics ranging from money, spirituality, living simply, etc. One of my favorite readings is his take on relationships. Mr. Wilde writes:
“Get out of any situation that endorses negativity, that causes you imbalance. People come together in relationships for growth, not life. If a relationship sustains you, if you are both growing from it, if it is beautiful and has energy, you’re together for good. If not, either fix it or ditch it. You don’t need situations that don’t support you or lower your energy. You don’t owe anything to anyone. The only real responsibility you have is to work on yourself to raise your energy. That will become your gift to the world. Pull back from negative situations and negative people. You don’t need to judge them, or try to change them. Just allow them to follow their path. You may want to give them a little shove. But if they don’t move, you move. Never mind security.”
These words rang so true for me again tonight as I read them and share them with you. I hope they bring you wisdom and clarity as they have for me.
I am glad to say that I did not respond or engage my birthmother again. It gives me great serenity to know, that at least for today, I can make a conscious choice not to respond, not to get sucked down again, and that I do have the ability to choose peace and serenity.
Daryn

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